Talk:Battle of Herat (1270)/GA1

GA review

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Nominator: HerakliosJulianus (talk · contribs) 16:14, 11 February 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: Borsoka (talk · contribs) 02:46, 27 February 2025 (UTC)[reply]

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

Is it well written?
A. The prose is clear and concise, and the spelling and grammar are correct:

B. It complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation:
Is it verifiable with no original research, as shown by a source spot-check?
A. It contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline:

B. Reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose):

C. It contains no original research:

D. It contains no copyright violations nor plagiarism:
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. It addresses the main aspects of the topic:

B. It stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style):
Is it neutral?
It represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each:
Is it stable?
It does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute:
Is it illustrated, if possible, by images?
A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content:

B. Images are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
Overall:
Pass or Fail:

Hi, I hope your nomination will succeed. Failing an article is always a failure for the reviewer as well. My comments are suggestions, feel free to reject any of them, but in this case please inform me about your concerns. Borsoka (talk) 04:57, 28 February 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Image review

File:MongolEmpireDivisions1300.png: the summary at Commons says that it is "Partially based on Atlas of World History". Which source verifies the deviation from the cited work? The author(s), year of publication, publisher and ISBN of Atlas of World history should be added.
~~File:Abaqa Khan.jpg: US PD tag (at Commons) and "alt text" (in the article) are needed.~~
~~File:DiezAlbumsArmedRiders I.jpg: US PD tag and "alt text" are needed; could the source be more specific?~~
~~File:Mongol soldiers by Rashid al-Din 1305.JPG: US PD tag and "alt text" are needed.~~
I would delete at least two pictures. Borsoka (talk) 04:57, 28 February 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Done, Heraklios 13:56, 1 March 2025 (UTC)[reply]

I still would delete at least two pictures. We need pictures to illustrate the topic, but their overuse deteriorates the article's quality. Borsoka (talk) 03:42, 9 March 2025 (UTC)[reply]
No objections. Heraklios 13:44, 5 April 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Source review

Academic sources of high standard are cited.
~~Please follow ABC order when listing the sources.~~ Borsoka (talk) 04:57, 28 February 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Done, Heraklios 12:29, 1 March 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for pinging me, and also for your patience. I will follow the review tomorrow. Borsoka (talk) 05:38, 8 March 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

We need a longer introduction to the topic. For instance, we are not informed that the Ögedeids, Chaghadaids were rulers of parts of the Mongol Empire descending from Ghenghis Khan, we are not informed what is the Toluid revolution, an ulus, the Ilkhanate, the Golden Horde. We also need some information about the principal features of Mongol military. I think no more than six sentences are needed in section "Background".
Be consequent when mentioning the same person: Möngke or Mongke.
Expand the lead by at least three or four sentences.
Dublinks abound. Each linked term should be linked only once.
Though initially allied with Kublai Khan, Baraq was awarded the Chagatai ulus however, he soon asserted his independence. Rephrase.
Introduce Talas as a town.
...to share Transoxania together with its revenues... What is the difference between the distribution of a territory and its revenues?
Barqa being disappointed with his share of lands and barred from expansion east or north due to Kaidu, therefore turned his focus towards the west. Rephrase.
He proposed a campaign... Proposed? If yes, to whom?
...had been planning his invasion of Iran months in advance, having... Delete.
Introduce Mas'ud Beg with one or two words.
...he negotiated with other alliances... Alliances?
When Abaqa discovered the treachery of Tegüder, he went on punish him in Georgia, Abaqa Khan defeated and captured him before Baraq could react. Rephrase.
...discovered the treachery of Tegüder... Why was it a treachery?
...in Georgia... Why Georgia?
...he claimed due to the death of his grandfather Mutukan during the siege of Bamiyan in 1221. I do not understand what is the connection between his claim and his grandfather's demise. I assume this was a pretext.
Introduce Nishapur with two or three words.
Introduce Shams al-Din Kart.
This victory... No victory is mentioned in the paragraph previously.
Introduce Chabat.
...being followed soon afterward by Chabat, who lost the greater part of his army... Did he leave because he had previously defeated? Did he leave before or after being defeated?
Can you name Baraq's son?
Baraq complained... To whom? I assume instead of his notions, the consequences of Kaidu's desertion should be described.
Can you name the grand minister?
...commanded his commanders... Rephrase.
...who was at the border of the Golden Horde... By chance, or was he the local governor/military commander?
Who is Wassaf?
... who had escaped captivity under Baraq ... I do not understand it.
...advancing through Mughan, Ardabil, and Sharuyaz. What is the direction of his march (east, north...)? Some words about each region and town mentioned?
...they were joined by a Georgian contingent Why?
During the campaign, Abaqa kept his presence in the army a secret, having strict secrecy observed by putting to death anyone who divulged his movements. Rephrase.
...kept his presence in the army a secret... Why? Borsoka (talk) 04:22, 9 March 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Done almost everything. Expanded the lead and background sections accordingly. Rephrased pointed passages. Removed links per MOS:DUPLINK. Clarified 'why(s)', 'whom(s)' and 'what(s)'. Introduced individuals and linked Masud Beg with de.wiki.
For the "This victory" point, If you're talking about This victory was followed by internal disagreements... the. it's already follows the above passages and basically the Battle of Herat (1270)#Baraq's invasion of Khorasan section and if you're referring to This victory allowed Kaidu... then that as well spins around this very battle of Herat. Let me know if I'm wrong with any of these.
to share Transoxania together with its revenues: For this, as per sources I have added more context for clarification so the difference between territories and revenues could be understandable.
...he claimed due to the death of his grandfather Mutukan during the siege of Bamiyan in 1221. You're right it was a pretext.
I'm sorry I can't name the son of Baraq and the grand minister. So far I know, the sources don't provide the details about both individuals.
"...being followed soon afterward by Chabat, who lost the greater part of his army... Did he leave because he had previously defeated? Did he leave before or after being defeated?": I have clarified in the article as--witnessing the rapid desertions in the allied army, Chabat, a grandson of Güyük Khan, found a pretext and withdrew. Heraklios 20:37, 5 April 2025 (UTC)[reply]

@HerakliosJulianus: when do you think you can address the above issues? Borsoka (talk) 05:33, 25 March 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Borsoka: I'm sorry if it took too long to respond, I was actually occupied with some revenge AfD stuff (please ignore). I'll quickly go through your review. Heraklios 13:35, 5 April 2025 (UTC)[reply]

GA review

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